My girls are bike riders!!!!   I was fortunate enough to get each of my girls a bike and helmet.   They were so excited, but also a little scared as they each got on their bikes.   I was nervous too, but they didn’t know it.    Both my girls needed a little help.   Thank goodness, one of my girl friends was there.   As my girls began to ride, their confidence grew.  I was so proud!!!!  They were riding on the same street, I learned to ride my bike, thirty years ago.    As they rode, I cheered and hollered.  I was snapping pictures like crazy!!!!    The smiles on their faces were priceless.   Momma missed the first ride, but not the second.

I talk to my daughters everyday they are with their dad.  Tonight as I talked to my oldest, she excitedly told me she learned to ride a two wheeled bike.   She was so excited.  I was so proud of her, then I realized I wasn't there.  I didnt' have a bike at my place.  The bike Santa brought her was at her dad's.  I was happy and saddened at the same time.   I was happy for my little girl because she accomplished something that made her proud of herself.  Sad, because  I realized this could be the first of many firsts I would miss.  I didn't have  a bike at my house, and unfortunately didn't have the extra money to buy one.   When would I get to watch her ride?  I don't like to go up to my former home.  It is too sad.    It has so many mixed emotions.   I would have to get used to this.

How does a mother get used to missing major events in their child's life?   I don't know.   It is something I will adapt to.  My girls are young.    When I am with them, I have to make every moment count.    At least I am only a phone call away and they can call me and tell when they experience something new.  At least they know whether they are with me physically or only mentally, I am proud of them, and I'm rooting for them every step they take.

If you are fotunate enough to see your children every day, cherish the moment, but if you have to share your children with an ex spouse, don't waste the time being bitter about things you are missing, take pictures of things you see and experience.    Let your children know you are with them every step they take.   This helps them heal and you as well.

I am divorced.  Yes, I am divorced.  I am a thirty-six year old single mother.   WOW, something I NEVER thought I would say about myself.  I never imagined I would have to shuffle my children back and forth between my house and their father's.    How sad, it rips my heart to shreds.    I watched both my little girls sleeping today, and I thought I don't want to take them back.   I want to keep them with me.   They belong with me.    I have only had them for two days.  Why do the days have to go by so stinking fast?    These are MY CHILDREN!!!! I provide so much for them.

I will send them to their father's.   My precious daughters will go running to the door, and say "Daddy!"  They will give him a big hug, the dog will wag her tail, my babies will give me a last hug.  I will want to hold them a little longer, but know I can't.    I will have to let go, Oh my Gosh, I don't want to let go.   I will, and I will walk away back to my car, ALONE, and then drive back to my house, ALONE, and probably cry the whole way.    As I drive, I pass the houses that used to be my neighbors.  The people I used to smile and wave to.  The houses I walked  Hershey (my dog) past.   The houses, I took my girls trick or treating to.  This pain I feel is real.   It is a pain and hurt that goes deep into the core of my soul.  As I write this, tears roll down my face.  I know I will survive, I HAVE TO!!!!

This has been very hard on me--this thing called DIVORCE.   This is nothing I ever planned on.   I now am in this situation, and I have to find a way for myself and my daughters.   I will find a way.  My heart will heal.  My pain will subside.   I may never like taking my children to their dad's, but it's my life now.  I have to get used to it.    I have to for the sake of my girls.  What I do affects them.    If they see I'm OK, then they will follow my example and be OK as well.

My children are reassured daily they are loved by me.  As I drive to their dad's I will tell them how much fun I had with them.   I will tell them I'll see you in two days.  I will remind them, they are loved.  My voice may crack, but I will swallow and talk about the kissing hand.  I kiss their hand and then put it to their cheek.  I put the hand to their heart  and my heart.    This way they know even when they are with Dad, Mommy is still with them--ALWAYS!

Moms, if you are a single mom, you will survive.  You are not the first mom to go through this.  You will not be the last.   You will SURVIVE!!!! YOU HAVE TO for the sake of your children.